Byakugan Eyes [entries|friends|calendar] neiji [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

Cross my heart and Hope to DIE!!! [28 Jan 2004|10:16pm] [ mood | curious ] [ music | Buddha for Mary - 30 Seconds to Mars ] Since your death Everything has felt so meaningless and vain that I´ve lost the will to live Love, your death Ripped my heart right out and since you went away Life´s had nothing more to give Cross my heart and hope to die May my end come tonight Across the dark, into the light May death again us unite Love, my fate Will you wait for me there...where our autumn dawns? There, beyond the dreary seas Will you wait? Will you welcome me into your arms once more? Where our waters still fall free Cross my heart and hope to die May my end come tonight Across the dark, into the light May death again us unite Cross my heart and hope to die May my end come tonight I´ll depart from this life May death again us unite May it come... My heart went down with you At your funeral I was buried, too My life - it ended with yours And I...exist no more post comment

Outsider [27 Jan 2004|09:44pm] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | One - Metallica ] Feeling like the one who knows nothing the outsider which thro all that you see and hear cant be found throught the normal perceptive human thoughts, non recieveing , disbelieveing, narcissitic, humanisitic qualities that make all of us up. Is none different is all the same, stretching the bounds of conformity only to be under the guilded guise of the deciever. Puppet the little play things of the holder the one who hold, seals, and destroys your fate. No chance none survive cant believe all of this is it all just lies cant release the pain all in realiztion of the one truth that cant be realized why do u struggle to be with others when u cant even understand yourself. All those who seek you out only in terror in deciet in lies which seem truths but under the crecent moon soon to be full which turn out to be the eclipse lunar or solar possibly both at the same time under the glimpse of the fate that has stolen for you the right to live under the shadows not of night but of horror , eclipsing your every being engulfed in darkness and sadness take your life in the massacre that is more bloody more horrid that fills lakes in the blood of the vicitms and of you. To survive anything that the world throws at you is a miricle that is taken for granted, sometimes you succeed in believe that you actually have when mentally your mind is forever tormented and in the horror of yourself dieing over and over slowly and in 7 minutes turned into 78 hours of dieing can you really realize the futile fate of these fragile beings we call ourselves .. hehe :P.. for those who read this tell me what u think 1 comment|post comment

Just dont think... [26 Jan 2004|10:06pm] [ mood | pessimistic ] [ music | Shadow of a Man- Mudvayne ] Sometimes I think im an idiot when it comes to certian stuff.. I think too much and therefore worry.. when I shouldnt.. Why do I? Will it help me to worry.. nope just make things worse.. What should I do? Maybe if I didnt think so much I wouldnt feel this way.. Think of only the worst things that can happen.. When I only want to think of the best.. Its like I have no control of what I think or feel.. Caution? Frightened? hmm not even I know All I know is that hurts when I think this way.. Like all I know is pretense.. I hate myself for such cautionary tactics.. Im such an idiot why would anyone like me? .. post comment

what is optional.. and what is eventual.. [23 Jan 2004|11:53pm] [ mood | embarrassed ] [ music | Lotion - Deftones ] What to think of my life today.. everything just happens in a flash never letting me think on how things should be.. What is the way they should be tho, ever wondering never knowing, not even my life with the many complexes and turning at all angles.. How am I to know what happens, im just here along for the ride... thats how I it seems to be for me.. But actually my mind is on other things.. while im to think of my life in general wtih school, friends, etc. I seem to only think of one thing, just thinking and only focusing on something particular.. Or rather someone.. someone who sparks my interest and forever changing the person that I am .. life changing events are usually when you have nearly died from something.. i have nearly died many times through accidents but hasnt changed me at all.. So.. why is it when I think of her that I just have some rush of thoughts but none are on anything else but her.. mainly waiting to see her.. but also on other things.. mainly being close and near her at the least.. I actually seem to enjoy being the person that I am around her.. thoughts of my own self worth, own self loathing seem to disappear now that I know this person.. makes me happier ..she does Now if I have to dedicate my life to making her happy just to see her smile once I would try.. I seem to care alot about her but what of me from her.. I think she cares.. might even enjoy when we speak.. I know that I do.. cant help but think this way If you care for someone wouldnt you do anything for them.. like I for her.. anything I can, hopefully... post comment

[19 Jan 2004|10:16pm] [ mood | loved ] [ music | Heavens a lie - Lacuna Coil ] I am… I am the one the world forgot, For all the love it has it gives to me not, I am not fortunate nor lucky in the path I lead, For it does, all it can to make me bleed, It cares not for what I have to offer or give, Or whether or not whether I die or live, I’m stranded by loneliness to far away to reach, So far from everything I gasp for air to breathe, Although I may not matter to the world out there, You never look at me to compare, Love me for who I am is what you do, Paying no mind to words said anywhere or by who, For I may be nothing in the world that is my life’s host, I know I am the world to who loves me most For the one that means the world to me :) Hope that you realize that ill always be here to help ya out, and try to show you how I feel about ya <3, to make you happy and feel better, because there is no one that is more beautiful and sweet as you are <3<3<3<3 post comment

What is pain.. [19 Jan 2004|10:08pm] [ mood | rejected ] [ music | Cemetary Gates - Pantera ] What... Exactly is Pain? Afflictive or dreadful.. Like when you're beaten or cut.. In short, your body's in unbearable condition in which you feel that.. You're unable to stay in your usual self.. its unpleasant Then I always feel pain.. Although it doesnt bleed, my heart hurts so much.. Bodies bleed upon physcial injuries, and they may look quite hurtful.. but eventually the pain will wear off as time passes, and they can heal faster with medical aids.. What are more serious are emotional scars.. they are the hardest to heal.. Physcial and emotional scars are a bit different unlike physcial ones there's no ointment available for emotional ones.. and pain may never go away.. There is only one thing that can stop such heartache.. However, as inconvenient as it may seem, this cure can only be given by people other than yourself.. <3 It's Love ! <3 post comment

Worthless.. [19 Jan 2004|10:03pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | Cemetary Gates- Pantera ] It seems nothing I do anymore is worth anything.. I feel like im the most worthless person there is right now.. What am I doing.. What am I gonna do.. Im obviously not an interesting person.. I can clearly see that.. Right now my body feels weak.. And that my body is gonna cave in at any moment.. Hold my head down in shame.. Shameful of the person that I am.. What have I done.. Nothing.. But thats just it nothing.. Thats why I feel such worthlessness.. Ive done nothing to help.. I thought I did.. But it seems I was wrong.. If I had then it wouldnt be this way.. So Depressing.. Feel that I can just cry right now.. Eating away at me.. Tearing a hole deep insde of me.. To the one I care so much about.. To the one who means the world to me.. How can I live without you.. Why is it I feel like.. That im worthless.. post comment

Worthless.. [19 Jan 2004|04:36pm] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | Black hole sun- Soundgarden ] It seems nothing I do anymore is worth anything.. I feel like im the most worthless person there is right now.. What am I doing.. What am I gonna do.. Im obviously not an interesting person.. I can clearly see that.. Right now my body feels weak.. And that my body is gonna cave in at any moment.. Hold my head down in shame.. Shameful of the person that I am.. What have I done.. Nothing.. But thats just it nothing.. Thats why I feel such worthlessness.. Ive done nothing to help.. I thought I did.. But it seems I was wrong.. If I had then it wouldnt be this way.. So Depressing.. Feel that I can just cry right now.. Eating away at me.. Tearing a hole deep insde of me.. To the one I care so much about.. To the one who means the world to me.. How can I live without you.. Why is it I feel like.. That im worthless.. I cant help you become happy.. I can clearly see how u react and when I watch u.. But I want to.. I dont want to feel sorry for myself.. I dont want to be depressed.. I dont want to be lonely.. I just love you, cant you see <3 <3 <3 <3 post comment

Unsure [19 Jan 2004|12:28am] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | Do you believe me - The Juliana Theory ] Dunno what to do.. I say all that I am to her, hoping and wanting a certain response but what if u get no response then what , what am I to think? What will happen now? Of what I say to her how does it make her feel and if my intentions of wanting to make her happy are actually shown , I try.. How does it make me feel inside? Like my stomach is gonna cave in or my chest will collapse in some type of failure of my body. Thats how it feels if I cannot make her happy and that Im nothing but a failure.. Cant I do anything right ? Cant I make the one who means so much to me happy once more? If I cannot then whats next? ... I dont know.. post comment

[18 Jan 2004|04:27pm] [ mood | nervous ] [ music | Killing time - Hed(pe) ] Well today and last night went well ... talking to uh her ;) I think so anyway, I tried not to be so nervous but I cant help it.. I did however do alot that she asked of me and that I really enjoyed also ;). Haha for some reason I dunno I really like talking to her, xtremely beautiful btw which is like ah shes way too good for me ya know :P oh well.. I wonder what will happen as time progresses? Hmm how much does she like me? could it be as much as I like her .. maybe not as its incredible how much I feel for her ;) ... well more later I suppose. post comment

why am I this way? [17 Jan 2004|08:25pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | knife party - Deftones ] Why exactly am I so boring and not speaking when talking on the phone to her .. I hope she can forgive me .. that im such a boring person she's prolly bored to death of me right now .. 1 comment|post comment

so stupid .. [17 Jan 2004|04:20am] [ mood | guilty ] [ music | Change - Deftones ] I dunno what my problem is :P first I get the name wrong like twice .. then im like oh.. (phone call recieved and was asked if I knew who it was), its unfortunate but I feel really stupid now as when I guessed I said names of friends of mine who never even call me :P... then I cant say anything to her on the phone. I didnt know what to say.. just all I .. uh.. um . well? and so on. Thats why I feel dumb.. sorry Rachel I didnt mean to... hmm I wish I could think of something to say while we had such a short time on the phone.. haha << such a dork >> post comment

[15 Jan 2004|04:29pm] [ mood | embarrassed ] [ music | About a Burning Fire - Blindside ] All the things she says it runs thro my head , what am I to do, with my mind I cant think straight can I tell her or not? I think I should be able to but I dont think I can, she may already know but wants me to say how can I tho? Is it really that easy? not to me it isnt, confused and unsure what to say but other than that I like her? Does it matter to her ? Why would it im nothing and no one but could I be something to her? hope so maybe?? I dont know sorry I have no answers it seems. I thought about a fire burning in the sky , fire I thought about love burning in your eyes , fire -about a burning fire - blindside - I thought about a Burning fire I thought about a loveing fire I thought about your love I thought about your love I thought about a Burning fire I thought about a loveing fire I thought about your love I thought about your love I thought about a Burning fire I thought about a loveing fire I thought about your love I thought about your love I thought about your love I thought about love? 1 comment|post comment

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